21st Century Gentlemen’s Pack: How to Stand Up for Yourself

Hello giktimes! We live in a very interesting, but at the same time very hectic time – dangers can lie in wait literally on every corner, and even those who do not attract attention to themselves. Walk around with a traumatic pistol, ax, or baseball bat all the time? Perhaps this will somehow help in overcoming some dark alleys or even entire unfavorable areas, but at the same time it can raise a number of questions for any policeman. Do you need it? In today’s selection, we’ll talk about a selfie stick, Nokia 3310 and other arsenal that won’t attract too much attention, but at the same time will help in a difficult situation.   

If you understand that your comrades in branded tracksuits and with sunflower seeds in a bag are clearly interested in your well-being, and a quick step does not help, it is worth starting from afar. 

Best defense is attack

Many articles about self-defense say that the best fight is the one that didn’t happen. Well, what the best self-defense means is running. That is so, but what to do if there is no longer an opportunity to escape? And it’s somehow boring, to run away, especially if we live in an age of technological breakthrough. Therefore, we will start from the thesis that the best defense is an attack. 

1. Portable speakers

Both portable models and semi-stationary are equally good. These devices can be used as a noise grenade – from the same counter-strike we know how effective the “crouton” is. Turn on the phone, turn on the speaker, set up a Bluetooth connection, turn on the maximum volume and the musical composition shamefully – throw it at the enemy and you’re done. Yes, you may have to practice to meet the TRP norms, but it’s worth it. In real life, they are no less effective than in the same counter-strike. Our store sells a huge number of compact and portable solutions that differ in some characteristics: radius of damage, dimensions, control. The main thing is not to throw the weapon too far (beyond the range of the Bluetooth interface).

What to choose is, as they say, a matter of taste. Indeed, in this matter, the principle of action is primarily important – to stun the enemy, stun him, confuse him or evoke emotions that will interrupt his original plans. For the most efficient use of these devices, we recommend storing a number of music files (or even playlists) on your phone:

– Sounds of a police siren and loud screams with calls for help – in case you want to attract the attention of others;
– Several hits of radio “Chanson” in case you do not lose hope to resolve the issue peacefully;
– Any album by Philip Kirkorov, the Zveri group, the Bulgarian handsome Azis or the singles Santa Lucia and Dance of the Elbows – in case you want to deal with potential offenders as cruelly as possible. 

2. Flash

On our site there is a large selection of all kinds of flash units for different models of cameras. In addition to the price, they differ in technical characteristics, but the general aspects of work are more or less the same.

Principle of operation: a powerful stream of photons hits the enemy’s eyes, blinding him for a while (depending on the flash power and time of day). Time can be used to attack the enemy or retreat from the place of conflict. The flash can be used as a long-range weapon, the use of diffusers and all kinds of reflectors enhances the flash action, increasing the time for counter-actions, as well as providing a more natural complexion in enemy photographs. In addition, many models can work autonomously, that is, without a camera.

Well, if suddenly you decided to give a dyor (well, there were much more opponents than you), then you can climb a tree and give SOS light signals. Or it is stupid to shine through someone’s window – the tenant will get it, and he will call the police, and this will drive the hooligans away from your tree. If a long-range weapon does not help or does not work on all attackers, you can always converge in close combat. One of the following devices will help you cope with adversaries in it: 

The wire

Surely in your pocket or backpack, each of you has a wire to charge your smartphone. In principle, it will also work, but it is better to use some more reliable wire – you can swing it like a cowboy, or use it as a whip. Having a long HDMI cable at hand (5m is enough) or even a patch cord bay will allow you to bind a blinded and stunned enemy to a pole or fence (fortunately in Moscow there are a lot of them).

In case there is only one attacker, and you are confident in your abilities, then an ordinary … well, like an ordinary … high-quality audio cable will help to try to fight back successfully. The thick braid and stranded oxygen-free copper wire will not break even if you try hard.

However, to use this cable with a phone, you have to spend money on adapters. 

Selfie stick

No comments – the hit of the season. We recommend choosing a model with a button for remote control. They say that a number of special units want to adopt selfie sticks, and this already says a lot! It is lightweight, compact, folds out easily to a comfortable length and has a nice weight on the working end (admit, you already wanted to try it). Comes with a handy eyelet that can be attached to your bending stick so that you always have it on your leash. 

Shockproof smartphone

If medium and short-range weapons did not help you, you can use a powerful argument of the most direct impact.

The protected smartphone is not afraid of water and shock. He will make your punch more weighty and technical, and his screen will remain intact. In extreme cases, it can be aptly thrown into the head of the offender. Considering its impressive weight (260 grams) and decent acceleration, the collision of the smartphone with the skull will definitely disable the attacker. The built-in 8-megapixel camera will help you share with your friends another victory over the bully (“Look how I spent Saturday”), and provide the police with the necessary evidence in case of anything. Before choosing a model, be sure to pay attention to the available accessories – perhaps caring manufacturers have already released a brass knuckle cover or something similar. 


An extended version of a selfie stick – there are more options, but it also costs more. The main difference is a more durable design, more weight and the ability to mount not only mobile devices, but also cameras. It can be used both as a telescopic baton and as a bayonet stick.

Unfortunately, unfolding this thing takes a couple of seconds of precious time more, but it is stronger and can do good damage in PvP. 


We strongly do not recommend fighting off with plastic tripods : they do not tolerate such blows of fate.  

But such specimens , made of metal, with a convenient mechanism for quick layout, reliable clamps and a heavy tripod “head” will not only serve well in defense, but will make photography a simple and enjoyable experience. Small tripods are more suitable for close combat, while a tripod with long legs can be swung like a club to keep the enemy out of a distance of two meters. 


There are things that never go out of style. These include old Porsche and Ferrari, Parker pens, Swiss watches and … Nokia 3310. Legends are made about this device. They say that Chuck Norris himself tried to break it, but as a result ended up in a hospital bed with multiple fractures of the arm bones. The cunning Chinese are still releasing fakes of this device, but even a fake can break the tiles in the stairwell or sink when dropped – treat the device with caution. And then suddenly drop it on your leg.

And using the Nokia 3310 phone together with a selfie stick turns it into Thor’s hammer. 

Alternative ways

If you work for a successful startup, then it is quite possible that you have already had a chance to receive a solid reward. The same “Runet prize” is made either of copper or brass – it doesn’t matter, what matters is that it looks intimidating and you can chop nuts (including coconuts) with it. On the office desk, this award will be far less useful than if you carry it with you. Well, what kind of police officer at 4 a.m. will stick to a man who returns home with a prestigious award, and not a baseball bat? 🙂

By the way, this thing will come in handy if you somehow wake up in the morning and decide to radically change your sex work. No start-up capital, but is there a scrap collection point in the city? You know what to do. Knock money out of them. A pneumatic pipe works great, like the noise in stadiums, but the use requires some skill and dexterity: the enemy must be allowed closer, and it is better to “beep” right in the ear. If necessary, repeat the procedure (the enemy has two ears , usually, unless he has met the readers of our instructions earlier). 

General Tips

It’s hard to learn, easy to fight.
In the fight for your own health and a freshly received bonus, all means are good, but without competent tactics and strategy, some skills and general knowledge, even having a pistol will become more dangerous for you, and not for the enemy. 

Knowledge is power
Don’t forget tactical advantage. Voice assistants Google Now (and soon the Russian-speaking Siri and Cortana will catch up) will always come to your aid with valuable advice, and will also help you find the nearest police station or a bank operating around the clock – just ask. In the foyer of such an institution, it is easier to keep the defense, especially if you block the door from the inside. And there you can continue a sweet conversation with the voice assistant in anxious expectation of reinforcements.

It should also be borne in mind that aggressively minded marginals are distinguished by a formidable appearance and so-so physical fitness, so if you run in the morning, go to the gym and lead a healthy lifestyle – a couple of circles around the area (the main thing is not to stumble upon a dead end, so choose wide streets and open places) and the chase will lag behind. Well, fitness bracelets and smart watches will help to keep track of your health during morning walks . By the way, these same devices will help and guaranteed to break away from the chase. You run so yourself all on your nerves from the crowd of enemies, tear off the smart watch from your wrist and throw it back with a cry “Yo, these are Samsung for 17 pieces!”. After that, you can significantly slow down the run, or even just stand up and watch how opponents mutuz each other for the right to own the device. Do you know what else you can protect yourself, without raising questions from the police and others? Did you build your exoskeleton from crutches and office rubber bands? Share this in the comments.

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