1. Something you, the doctor, some shabby. Are you REALLY a doctor?

If the doctor did not like you – appearance, manner of speaking, strongly intelligent look or vice versa – do not tell him anything. Make a note to another Aesculapius. As one of the medical luminaries used to say, there are three of you in this situation: the patient, his illness and his doctor. If a patient with a doctor can not unite, wins … Well, let’s not talk about sad things.

2. Yesterday on the site lechu-ot-vsego.ru I read that cough and hiccups are the first symptoms of cholera … Is it true?

Hypocrisy doctors do not like. Because they are hurting exactly what they should, in their opinion, be sick. And this is not treated. The most useful medicine in such cases is a placebo. But, on the other hand, if the patient finds out about it, the doctor can not avoid troubles.

3. Here, you know, one came to you, said – I have a face. But I did not believe him

If the diagnosis given by the previous doctor for some reason causes doubts in you – do not talk about it. Let the new doctor deal with you on the basis of symptoms. At the same time, you will have the opportunity to compare.

4. You are such an easy, so aerial – assistant proctologist ?!

Do not make ambiguous compliments long-legged assistant in the presence of her patron-doctor. The case may end in a big scandal, but for you – with self-mutilation.

5. Actually, I lead a fairly respectable lifestyle. I had a conditioner on the order in the “bracelet”, and in the watch a strap from the leather of the possum – that there was no allergy

Do not tell me about your financial situation. The doctor, especially in a commercial clinic, is also a person who sincerely believes that a couple of general large-scale surveys will not hurt the health of a completely healthy patient or his personal well-being at all.

6. That’s about the same as now, I was in childhood – I was sick with chickenpox. And something similar, only without colic, was on Goa, when I was poisoned with coconut milk …

Answer clearly, as in the army: where it hurts, where it ekes, scores and worries, without unnecessary pictorial details. If necessary, the doctor himself will ask what you were sick in childhood. Otherwise, you will only confuse him. And in general, in anticipation of reception try to formulate claims to your own organism is extremely clear.

7. As it says, the doctor, “Mens san en in corpore san”, is not it?

Do not try to flash erudition, using in conversation with the doctor winged Latin expressions. A rare physician retains good memories of passing the exam in Latin. The only phrase that any graduate of the medical school will fully understand: Fortuna non penis – in manus non tenis (“Luck is not a member – you can not hold it”). So do not say it. Otherwise, they suspect that you are a colleague, for some reason trying to hide it.

8. Ah, a year ago I had a familiar dentist, here he treated so treated! Unfortunately, I went to America

Do not try to protect the professional merits of the former dentist, even if you have the opportunity to do so. That is, if you are allowed to close your mouth, spit and do not force to open it again.

9. So are you only a candidate? I really thought, at least the doctor of sciences …

In fact, the candidates defend on the example of successful treatment of a very specific ailment. That is, the practical experience of the candidate is guaranteed. Dissertations the same doctoral are written most often on the basis of generalizations and theoretical conclusions. And sometimes quite a long time.

10. Tell me, what if I turn to shamans? They say that they have a psionic factor in their urine, from which the ulcer itself cicatrizes itself

About methods of alternative medicine start talking only after you make sure that the doctor does not feel to them a feeling of deep dislike. It’s easy to find out. For example, say that rinsed the throat with tincture of calendula or drank tincture of ginseng.

11. You know, chills and migraine – not all … I sometimes think that there, in the corner, someone is sitting and strangely breathing

Do not scare the local therapist with stories about what you see, see or hear. You risk being directly directed to a psychiatrist.

12. You are so cute, doctor! But my current girl says that I’m not sick at all, it’s just that the lower chakras are hammered

In conversation with female doctors, try not to mention other women and especially their opinion on your health. Even life-hardened urologists prefer to hear from patients dry stories about sex and partners, and not about girls and rough unforgettable sex.

13. To admit, almost every day I introduce, you know, a hundred grams. And what, they say, is useful for blood vessels!

If the matter has not reached the reception of an expert in narcology, do not rush to admit that because of the specifics of the work you often have to drink. Doctors do not like it. What is the point of treating a person who drives himself to the grave?